My friends had been talking about how great this "art gallery" was for weeks. "It's part art gallery, part concert venue, and it looks like an abandoned building," they said. And they weren't lying. Driving to the benefit concert that night, we passed straight through the parts of Wilmington I had gotten to know over my ten months living here, and into areas I hadn't know existed. Well, that's not exactly true. I knew there had to be something under the big bridge downtown, I just didn't expect it to be an "art gallery." When I show you pictures of this building, you'll understand why I keep putting "art gallery" in quotations. None of us really knew what the benefit concert was for, but one of my favorite bluegrass bands in town was playing and it sounded like an interesting night.
As we pulled underneath the big bridge, with the faint thump of cars driving overhead, a building sat to our left, overlooking the river. From the outside it looked pretty nondescript, white walls, big factory like windows, gravel parking lot. It looked like it had had multiple uses during it's life span, maybe a psychiatric hospital or a hog processing plant (I'm from Eastern North Carolina. We have a lot of hog processing plants, and they all looked pretty similar to this art show/benefit concert I was about to walk into.)
We unloaded from the car, walked past the sign that read "Art Factory," and stepped into the building, hot/muggy air meeting us halfway. Apparently they don't air condition buildings that resemble hog processing plants. A sweet looking elderly lady met us at a folding table set up just inside the entrance, surrounded by concrete. Concrete walls, concrete floors, everything was grey.
She handed us a flyer for the event that read, "Living Will Coalition" at the top. Apparently, in the pursuit of our favorite bluegrass band, we had stumbled onto a benefit for an organization that advocates for people to have a plan for their end of life care. She directed us to the next table covered in pink slips of paper where a large man with lots of tattoos and a pony tail that stretched to his waist asked if we had given any thought to our end of life care and if we might want to go ahead and fill out a living will tonight.
It's an odd feeling, standing inside what appears to be a place where your pork for your last family BBQ was butchered, listening to wagon wheel, talking about how you would like to die. But it was one of those random nights I absolutely loved, good friends, good music, and a good story by the end of the night.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Wilmington Summer Bucket List: Concert at Airlie Gardens
Picture this...it's Friday evening, eighty degrees and sunny, and to early in the year for the bugs to be out. You're lounging in a beach chair munching on your favorites foods from Trader Joes, listening covers of some of your favorite 90s songs, all while sitting under a giant oak tree. The conversation with good friends is wonderful and every once in a while someone you recognize from various places from around town pops in to say hello. Sigh...every Friday should end like this.
My view for the concert
When people say that summer is the best time to live in Wilmington, I'm pretty sure they are referring to events like this. Let's count this as one more success for the Wilmington Summer Bucket List.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wilmington Summer Bucket List: The Creepy Zoo Wasn't So Creepy
I'm not going to lie, my expectations were pretty low for the zoo on Carolina Beach Road. For starters, who really expects a zoo on the outskirts of a beach town; A surf shop, maybe, but not a zoo. But it was one of those places that has piqued my interest ever since I was driving through town with my friend Brooke and asked what the giant building shaped like a lion's head was. So I rounded up a some friends and a few kids (because zoos are always better with kids around) and we set off to experience everything the Creepy Zoo, as I had affectionately started referring to it as, had to offer.
What did we find? It turns out the creepy zoo really isn't that creepy at all. Actually, it's kind of amazing. Who would have thought a leopard, white tiger, sloth, giraffe, and lemurs all lived within 10 miles of Carolina Beach.
What did we find? It turns out the creepy zoo really isn't that creepy at all. Actually, it's kind of amazing. Who would have thought a leopard, white tiger, sloth, giraffe, and lemurs all lived within 10 miles of Carolina Beach.
It's a super blurry picture, but here is our rag tag group of Creepy Zoo explorers standing at the entrance.
At the entrance you could pick up corn and peanuts to feed the animals with. This donkey was quite friendly once he realized I had food.
Oh you know...just another day in the life...chasing a peacock. At this point, I'm pretty sure Jacob was saying, "A bird! I will catch it!" Don't worry...he never did. Did you know peacocks can jump fences?
I love sloths. I think they are my favorite animals. They just look so friendly.
I was attempting to feed the parrot a peanut. I couldn't quite reach far enough.
Enthralled by the swans...so clique yet so true.
Special shout out to my friend, Julian, (and the random photo bombing girl behind us) who called me last night and said he wanted to mark something off my Wilmington Bucket List with me. We actually marked off two things, the Creepy Zoo and the Trolley Stop. You can read about his Day of Do adventure with me at http://julianjcarter.com/
Today was one of those unexpectedly good days. If anyone living or planning a visit to Wilmington is reading this, I highly recommend a visit to the Creepy Zoo. Once you get past the building shaped like a giant lion's head, it's actually kind of great.
An Honest Look at Burnout: What I Did Wrong This Year
[Disclaimer: I wrote this blog post about a month ago in a moment of complete desperation and exhaustion after what had been a really long couple of months. I told myself I'd never actually publish it. It was a little too revealing and personal and felt like too much of a risk. But I was talking to a good friend today about the Year of Do and how this year has been about taking risks I wouldn't normally take. So...why not write this for the world to read (or, lets be honest, the few and faithful). Why not give a little glimpse into the world of burnout and what happens when we don't trust God. So...here it is. I hope it's helpful for someone to see what I did wrong this year as a Campus Director of a Campus Ministry.]
Today I hit a wall. This morning actually.
I'll spare the details of what led to this point, but needless to say, there I sat, knees pulled up to my chest, in the middle of my bed, crying into my cup of coffee. I felt abandoned. I felt alone. I felt like I had voiced for months that I was heading in this direction, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, but as the responsibilities continued to pile up, I felt used. Like every spare minute and ounce of energy I had to give had been given, and there I sat, dried up and spent, still falling short of the needs around me. My friends had warned me for months that I was headed in the direction of burn out, and this was it, the moment I had been warned about.
There are really very few moments in my life where I have desperately wished I was married. I can think of maybe two, and usually it is when my car or computer breaks down and I don't know how to fix it. But this morning, as I sat sobbing in my bed, I desperately wanted someone to crawl up next to me, wrap their arms around me, and fight for me when I didn't feel like I had the energy to fight for myself.
But there I sat, alone.
Jesus was not my first pick of people I wanted to run to in that moment. To be honest, I felt like He was partly to blame. If this is what handing your life over to Him looked like, I wasn't sure I could do it anymore. But my roommate, parents, and good friends were all at work, my staff team was busy preparing for the days ahead, and I wasn't even sure how to vocalize what I was feeling in the moment if there had been someone to listen.
So I rolled out of bed, still sobbing, grabbed another cup of coffee, a journal, and my bible, and I climbed back into bed, to vent to the only one available.
I picked up the journal first. I wasn't ready to hear what Jesus wanted to say to me. I needed to vent.
"I need help. I need a rescuer. I feel like everyone else has someone fighting for them, and if I'm honest, I feel abandoned, alone, and a little used. You talk about finding joy in situations that are far worse than this, but I don't know where to find it right now. I'm exhausted."
The journaling went on for a few more pages, echoing a common theme of exhaustion and hopelessness.
Next I pulled out my Jesus Calling book. I wasn't ready to hear from God himself. My heart was still a little bitter. But I could ease my way into it by hearing what other people thought He might say.
April 24: "Rest in the stillness of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"
And then it hit me, the reason that had led to my current state. I sat up from the fetal position I had been huddled in and loosened the death grip on my cup of coffee.
At some point on staff, I had known that I could never do this job on my own, that I needed God to act and move if we were going to be successful. But, whether it was because I had been distracted by a new ministry and position, or because I had done this so long I had let arrogance slip into my work ethic, somehow, for the past year, I had been doing everything on my own. I didn't trust God to exalt himself, I needed to do it, and I needed to do it perfectly. I didn't trust this ministry to succeed without my constant attention. I needed to be at its beckon call. Deep down, if I was honest with myself, I wanted God to take a backseat while I showed Him how things could really be done.
But it hadn't worked.
I had spent the last few months giving everything I could, but with every criticism or suggestion I heard only one thing, "It's not enough." And it was true, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. This ministry, the staff who give so selflessly, the students who show up every week, they needed more than I could give them. They needed someone who didn't have a limit the way that I did, who never faltered in giving love and grace, who would literally move heaven and earth for them. They needed Him: The Strong One, The Everlasting God, The Lord Who Provides, The God of Peace, The Lord The Shepherd.
And so I climbed out of bed, with what felt like hope for the first time in months, knowing that I wasn't enough for what lay ahead of me that day, but that this ministry and the people in it would have everything they ever needed, provided by someone who loved them more than I was capable of.
Today I hit a wall. This morning actually.
I'll spare the details of what led to this point, but needless to say, there I sat, knees pulled up to my chest, in the middle of my bed, crying into my cup of coffee. I felt abandoned. I felt alone. I felt like I had voiced for months that I was heading in this direction, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, but as the responsibilities continued to pile up, I felt used. Like every spare minute and ounce of energy I had to give had been given, and there I sat, dried up and spent, still falling short of the needs around me. My friends had warned me for months that I was headed in the direction of burn out, and this was it, the moment I had been warned about.
There are really very few moments in my life where I have desperately wished I was married. I can think of maybe two, and usually it is when my car or computer breaks down and I don't know how to fix it. But this morning, as I sat sobbing in my bed, I desperately wanted someone to crawl up next to me, wrap their arms around me, and fight for me when I didn't feel like I had the energy to fight for myself.
But there I sat, alone.
Jesus was not my first pick of people I wanted to run to in that moment. To be honest, I felt like He was partly to blame. If this is what handing your life over to Him looked like, I wasn't sure I could do it anymore. But my roommate, parents, and good friends were all at work, my staff team was busy preparing for the days ahead, and I wasn't even sure how to vocalize what I was feeling in the moment if there had been someone to listen.
So I rolled out of bed, still sobbing, grabbed another cup of coffee, a journal, and my bible, and I climbed back into bed, to vent to the only one available.
I picked up the journal first. I wasn't ready to hear what Jesus wanted to say to me. I needed to vent.
"I need help. I need a rescuer. I feel like everyone else has someone fighting for them, and if I'm honest, I feel abandoned, alone, and a little used. You talk about finding joy in situations that are far worse than this, but I don't know where to find it right now. I'm exhausted."
The journaling went on for a few more pages, echoing a common theme of exhaustion and hopelessness.
Next I pulled out my Jesus Calling book. I wasn't ready to hear from God himself. My heart was still a little bitter. But I could ease my way into it by hearing what other people thought He might say.
April 24: "Rest in the stillness of My Presence while I prepare you for this day. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"
And then it hit me, the reason that had led to my current state. I sat up from the fetal position I had been huddled in and loosened the death grip on my cup of coffee.
At some point on staff, I had known that I could never do this job on my own, that I needed God to act and move if we were going to be successful. But, whether it was because I had been distracted by a new ministry and position, or because I had done this so long I had let arrogance slip into my work ethic, somehow, for the past year, I had been doing everything on my own. I didn't trust God to exalt himself, I needed to do it, and I needed to do it perfectly. I didn't trust this ministry to succeed without my constant attention. I needed to be at its beckon call. Deep down, if I was honest with myself, I wanted God to take a backseat while I showed Him how things could really be done.
But it hadn't worked.
I had spent the last few months giving everything I could, but with every criticism or suggestion I heard only one thing, "It's not enough." And it was true, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. This ministry, the staff who give so selflessly, the students who show up every week, they needed more than I could give them. They needed someone who didn't have a limit the way that I did, who never faltered in giving love and grace, who would literally move heaven and earth for them. They needed Him: The Strong One, The Everlasting God, The Lord Who Provides, The God of Peace, The Lord The Shepherd.
And so I climbed out of bed, with what felt like hope for the first time in months, knowing that I wasn't enough for what lay ahead of me that day, but that this ministry and the people in it would have everything they ever needed, provided by someone who loved them more than I was capable of.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Summer Bucket List for Wilmington
Everyone keeps telling me that the best time to live in Wilmington is in the summer. And with school done and a month before I leave on my summer assignment to Colorado, it seems like a great time to mark some things off my Wilmington Bucket List (a list I made my second day living in town because I was so sad about leaving NYC and needed something to look forward to in Wilmington). Here are just a few of the things on my list I think I'm going to try to accomplish sometime over the next month.
1) Learn to surf (or maybe the first step should be find someone to teach me how to surf)
2) Find a place to live
3) Finish the aprons that I started making six month ago but never finished (oops!!!! and oops again!!!!)
4) Go to the creepy zoo on Carolina Beach (Once you see a picture of the building, you will totally understand)
5) Go to a concert at Airlie Gardens (Anyone else want to go?)
6) Go to the Downtown Sundown Concert Series right in downtown Wilmington
7) Find a place to go Shag Dancing in Wilmington (for anyone reading this who's not from the south, it's not as bad as it sounds...promise. It's pretty similar to Swing Dancing.)
8) Finally become a member of my church.
9) Spend a weekend with my dear friend, Melanie, when she visits Wilmington
10) Eat at Double Happiness (I've tried to go twice over the past year and every time I've shown up, there's a sign on the door saying they are on vacation to China or just decided not to open that day. I'm more than intrigued at this point.)
11) Go to bluegrass night at Satellite
12) Sail (I've tried to go out sailing twice so far this year and every time the weather has been less than accommodating)
13) Get back into running (I'm a literal fair weather fan of running, as in, I only run in the spring in summer when the weather is fair.)
and last but not least...
14) Research and put together an EPIC Bucket List for my summer assignment out in Fort Collins, CO.
I think that should keep me busy in any downtime I may have. And what better way to spend free time over the next month than marking off some Year of Do activities.
1) Learn to surf (or maybe the first step should be find someone to teach me how to surf)
2) Find a place to live
3) Finish the aprons that I started making six month ago but never finished (oops!!!! and oops again!!!!)
4) Go to the creepy zoo on Carolina Beach (Once you see a picture of the building, you will totally understand)
5) Go to a concert at Airlie Gardens (Anyone else want to go?)
6) Go to the Downtown Sundown Concert Series right in downtown Wilmington
7) Find a place to go Shag Dancing in Wilmington (for anyone reading this who's not from the south, it's not as bad as it sounds...promise. It's pretty similar to Swing Dancing.)
8) Finally become a member of my church.
9) Spend a weekend with my dear friend, Melanie, when she visits Wilmington
10) Eat at Double Happiness (I've tried to go twice over the past year and every time I've shown up, there's a sign on the door saying they are on vacation to China or just decided not to open that day. I'm more than intrigued at this point.)
11) Go to bluegrass night at Satellite
12) Sail (I've tried to go out sailing twice so far this year and every time the weather has been less than accommodating)
13) Get back into running (I'm a literal fair weather fan of running, as in, I only run in the spring in summer when the weather is fair.)
and last but not least...
14) Research and put together an EPIC Bucket List for my summer assignment out in Fort Collins, CO.
I think that should keep me busy in any downtime I may have. And what better way to spend free time over the next month than marking off some Year of Do activities.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Celebrating the Little Brother's Wedding (aka- the adventures of a cupcake ninja)
Meet my little brother and one of my best friends, Sean.
He's 25, close to six feet tall, and not so little, but with two years him, and more embarrassing stories than I could possibly share on this blog, I feel like I've earned the right to call him my "Little Bro," or as he likes to be called when I'm asking him to do a favor "Lone Wolf." (He is literally one of the most servant hearted people you have ever met, but only if you agree to call him Lone Wolf during the duration of the favor.)
But, as he has recently started signing his emails, "The Lone Wolf is not so lone anymore." Just a few days ago, I made the trek to Belhaven, NC, for the Lone Wolf to, "Get Him Married He Do." (Another saying he has adopted over the last few months.)
I'm not sure there is anything better for the Year of Do than to go all out celebrating your little brother getting married. And so, go all out we did...
The view was amazing,
Last, but not least, we topped them off with white chocolate hearts and monograms, and tied purple ribbon around the bottom to coordinate with the wedding colors.
The two of us goofing off on a 8 mile hike in Newfoundland
He's 25, close to six feet tall, and not so little, but with two years him, and more embarrassing stories than I could possibly share on this blog, I feel like I've earned the right to call him my "Little Bro," or as he likes to be called when I'm asking him to do a favor "Lone Wolf." (He is literally one of the most servant hearted people you have ever met, but only if you agree to call him Lone Wolf during the duration of the favor.)
But, as he has recently started signing his emails, "The Lone Wolf is not so lone anymore." Just a few days ago, I made the trek to Belhaven, NC, for the Lone Wolf to, "Get Him Married He Do." (Another saying he has adopted over the last few months.)
I'm not sure there is anything better for the Year of Do than to go all out celebrating your little brother getting married. And so, go all out we did...
The view was amazing,
The view from our family's house on the Pungo River where they got married.
the bride was beautiful,
Me and my new sister-in-law minutes before she walked down the aisle
there were tons of friends and family to celebrate with us,
Sean's two best friends I've known since they were three years old
and to say the food was good would be a gross understatement.
Okay, to be totally honest, I may be a little biased about the food. Sean and Julia were a little bit heartbroken when they found out the baker didn't do Funfetti cupcakes for weddings. So, it was the big sister and seven boxes of cupcake mix to the rescue. It couldn't have been that hard right? (I really need to stop saying that.)
Actually, I have been dying to try my hand at cupcake decorating and this seemed like as good a time as any. And anything I had trouble figuring out, Google, Pinterest, and Youtube helped to fill in the gaps.
So the day before the wedding, I got to work baking...and baking...and baking.
This was only about 26 of 150 cupcakes we baked that day. I'm pretty sure every usable surface out of reach of the dog was used for cupcake goodness.
And then we frosted. My first mistake in this process was thinking my Target brand hand held mixer was up to the task of mixing up enough frosting for 150 cupcakes. Around batch 5 of butter cream frosting the mixer died a rather slow and noisy death and we had to resort to the backup mixer (thank goodness for backup mixers or this girl would not be able to lift her arms above her shoulders.)
Expertly piping frosting with the help of Martha Stewart, Youtube, and Pinterest.
Pretty frosted Cupcakes
Next came the hint of blue sprinkles to match their wedding colors.
Last, but not least, we topped them off with white chocolate hearts and monograms, and tied purple ribbon around the bottom to coordinate with the wedding colors.
And for my first ever foray into wedding cupcakes, I was pretty impressed with how they turned out.
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